My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
