Me too!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
