I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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