im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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