Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
