I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
