just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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