Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I touched a dick in church today
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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