Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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