doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
