You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
