My sheets look like a crime scene.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
