Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
