I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
