i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
