apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
