May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
