I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
