tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
