I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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