Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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