The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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