No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
