If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
