her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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