Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
