someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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