I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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