There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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