no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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