You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize