I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wear drunk well.
Randomize