im drinking this country out of the recession.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
third nipple confirmed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
