I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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