I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
