we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
