I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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