that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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