His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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