No, drunk sperm still make babies.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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