The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
