well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
