I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
