shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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