You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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