i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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