i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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