Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
