WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
