The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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