he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
