Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She bit a glass in half.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
