Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
