so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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