I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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