how do flat chested girls get laid?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
