Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
