So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
