smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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