you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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