Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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