So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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