this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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