I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
