there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
