Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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