I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
