my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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