I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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