I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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