Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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