So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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